Sat 3 Oct 2009
Hello everyone,
Another belated update. It has been over a month since my last post. I have been very busy and as you might expect been having some difficulties along the way. I went to Grand Junction, Colorado the end of August. Shauna had a tree planted in her honor at Columbine Park, that was donated by the International Order of Foresters. I met Shauna’s parents there, it was very good to see them again. For those of you who might not know this, Shauna was born and raised in Grand Junction and this is where we met and were married. So you can imagine how emotional this trip was for me. Columbine Park was where I played softball for the eight years that I lived in Grand Junction. When I arrived at the Park for the ceremony I recognized the person with the City Parks and Recreation that was responsible for planting the tree. David was a friend of ours and we had played softball together. David asked me if I remembered what was at the location that Shauna’s tree was going to be planted at. I didn’t remember, it was twenty plus years ago. He told me that there was an old ash tree here with a picnic table underneath it and this was where we celebrated after each softball game. David said to me that he didn’t think he could have picked a better spot to honor Shauna. Needless to say emotions were running high. After the ceremony Wendell, Karen and I went up to the National Monument. The National Monument is like a mini Grand Canyon, it is absolutely beautiful. Wendell had brought with them a remembrance of Shauna, Karen had told me that Shauna had really wanted to have our wedding ceremony at The National Monument but was concerned about weather related “issues” so other arrangements were made. So we left something of Shauna as a tribute to her. After that we went to Shauna’s favorite restaurant in Grand Junction, Dos Hombres. We indulged with some great Mexican food
and margaritas and reminisced about Shauna. Then I met some “old” friends and talked about the times when we lived in G.J. I visited a few places that I felt were important for me to see, Shauna’s parents house, our house and what turned out to be the most difficult for me the bowling alley where Shauna and I had met.
I really did enjoy my visit to G.J. and seeing friends and family again. But, I had no idea that it was going to be so emotional and the impact that it has had on me. Before I left for G.J. my heart was filled with “The Spirit of Shauna”, when I returned to Madison that feeling was gone. I know Shauna didn’t go anywhere, it was just me needing to figure out what I needed to do to get it back. After about a month of praying for assistance I was able the get that feeling back. But, as life would have it, that was short lived. “The Spirit of Shauna” was back for less than twelve hours, when I got home from work I had a phone message from my mother. FYI, my mother has not spoken to me since she was here for Shauna’s Memorial Service, vowing never to speak to me again. So, needless to say the message was unexpected and deflating. More drama has been introduced recently into my life by my loving mother. So I am trying to stay positive and move forward. It has been very difficult to say the least, I miss Shauna terribly and I am constantly thinking about her and reminded of her. I am not in a place that I need to be, I am making progress. I try to tell myself that this is another “test”, God will not put upon me any more than I can handle. WOW, did I say that?
I will be going to Florida the end of October for a week. Going to the USF vs West Virginia football game and having a big tailgate party in honor of Shauna. I am not sure how I am going to handle all of this! Our lives in Grand Junction consisted of nearly two years. Our lives in Florida covered nearly nineteen years! I am looking forward to going because I know that it is something I need to do as part of the healing process. But I also know that it is going to be one hell of a ride.
I have been staying busy. Went to the Minnesota Gophers vs Northwestern Pussycats (Hi Larry) football game in Evanston. Went to a Milwaukee Brewers game. Went to a Wisconsin Badgers football game. I have joined a bowling league and Thursday night I had a 725 series. Have been enjoying the fall colors. Yesterday driving home fro Viola I saw three rainbows. A lot of good things are happening but I am trying to deal with too much drama. My focus is to get “The Spirit of Shauna” back in my heart. Like I said earlier, Shauna hasn’t gone anywhere, it is just something that I have to figure out as to what I need to do to get her back.
Thanks for all the love and support and I will keep everyone posted as time permits.
Love,
Scott
. The last month or so has been a very positive experience for me. I am understanding what Shauna had been trying to teach me over the twenty one wonderful years that we were married. Shauna now knows that she did absolutely make a difference in this world that we live in. I now know what a tremendous difference she made in my life. It has been a very powerful learning process for me. Last week the University of Wisconsin had their annual Distance Learning Conference, part of Shauna’s job involved this Conference. Shauna was honored for her teaching excellence and this award will bear her name for future recipients. One of Shauna’s best friends attended this Conference, Amy came up from Florida. I was able to meet Amy and I told her what was happening with me and I will share that now with you. Shauna was always a teacher, she taught me so much, but I did not realize the extent of her teachings until after she was gone. At first it was very sad, but as time went by I started to realize what Shauna would have wanted me to do. She was always more concerned about others then she was about herself. I now understand why! I now understand what Shauna meant to me and who Shauna was. I can not put my feelings into words that would do Shauna any justice. Just know that with every passing day the feelings that I have for Shauna help me become stronger. I believe that Shauna continues to teach me to be a better human being every day. She has become a bigger part of me then I could have ever imagined. I miss her very much but I am moving forward knowing that Shauna is with me every step of the way.